Key Miracles Performed by Jesus:
• Heals Peter’s mother-in-law (Matthew 8:14-15)
• Gives sight to two blind men (Matthew 9:27-31)
• Heals a man’s shriveled hand (Matthew 12:9-13)
• Feeds 4000 men with a few fish and seven loaves of bread (Matthew 15:32-38)
• Walks on the water (Matthew 14:25)
• Heals man possessed by an impure spirit at Capernaum synagogue (Mark 1:23-26)
• Calms a violent storm (Mark 4:37-39)
• Heals Gadarene man who had an impure spirit (Mark 5:1-20)
• Heals Syrophoenician woman’s daughter (Mark 7:24-30)
• Heals a deaf and mute man (Mark 7:31-37)
• Gives sight to a blind man of Bethsaida (Mark 8:22-26)
• Heals child possessed by a spirit (Mark 9:14-29)
• Gives sight to Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52)
• Arranges a miraculous catch of fish (Luke 5:4-11)
• Heals a centurion’s servant (Luke 7:1-10)
• Raises a widow’s son from the dead (Luke 7:11-17)
• Heals a woman “subject to bleeding” for years (Luke 8:43-48)
• Heals a man with a mute demon (Luke 11:14)
• Heals ten lepers (Luke 17:11-19)
• Turns water into wine at a wedding in Cana (John 2:1-11)
• Cures a nobleman’s son in Capernaum (John 4:46-54)
• Heals a man at a pool at Bethesda (John 5:1-9)
• Gives sight to a man born blind (John 9:1-7)
• Raises Lazarus from the dead (John 11:38-44)
Essential Bible Verses
The Beginnings
• Genesis 1:1
• John 1:1
• John 1:14
• John 3:16
The Great Commission
• Matthew 28:18-20
• Acts 1:8 The
Plan of Salvation
• Romans 3:23
• Romans 5:8
• Romans 6:23
• Romans 10:9-10
The Word of God and Prayer
• Deuteronomy 6:6-7
• Joshua 1:8
• Psalm 119:11
• 2 Timothy 3:16
• Hebrews 4:12
• Hebrews 4:16
• 1 John 5:14-15
Assurance
• Psalm 23
• Isaiah 26:3
• Isaiah 53:5-6
• John 14:1-3
• John 14:6
• John 14:27
• 1 John 5:11-12
Praise and Adoration
• Psalm 100:4-5
• 1 Peter 1:3
• Revelation 4:11
God’s Promises
• Proverbs 3:5-6
• Jeremiah 29:11
• Matthew 6:33
• Romans 8:28
• 1 Corinthians 10:13
• 1 Peter 5:7 • 1 John 1:7
• 1 John 1:9
Instructions in Christian Living
• 2 Chronicles 7:14
• Proverbs 1:7
• Proverbs 15:1
• Romans 12:1-2
• Romans 12:11-12
• Romans 12:18
• 2 Corinthians 9:7
• Hebrews 10:25
Faith and Trust in God
• Psalm 4:8
• Psalm 56:3
• Romans 1:16-17
• Galatians 2:20
• Ephesians 2:8-10
• Hebrews 11:6
The Fullness of the Holy Spirit
• Galatians 5:16-18
• Ephesians 5:18-20
Pure Joy
• Psalm 118:24
• Philippians 4:4-7
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
• James 1:2-4
The First and Second Comings of Christ
• Isaiah 9:6
• Luke 2:10-12
• Acts 1:11
• James 5:7-8
• Revelation 22:20
20 Funny Paraprosdokians
Twenty funny para-whats!?
Wikipedia's definition of a paraprosdokian is "a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part."
In other words, it's a sentence or phrase that starts off by leading you in one direction, and then throws you a curve ball that takes you somewhere unexpected.
Here's a good example: Don't argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Paraprosdokians are used a lot in comedy and satire. Here's a classic from Groucho Marx: "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Here's another from Bill Hicks: "I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night."
And now, here are some more examples of the paraprosdokian phenomenon (try saying that out loud) at work...
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
- Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
- I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but have to check when you say the paint is wet?
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it than when you are in it.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- And, finally, here's a great one from Jack Handey: "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
"How can you live without knowing these things?
• Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U. S. Treasury
• Coca-Cola was originally green.
• 111,111,111x111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
• If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
• Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. They were all invented by women."
Quotes..
Twenty funny para-whats!?
Wikipedia's definition of a paraprosdokian is "a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part."
In other words, it's a sentence or phrase that starts off by leading you in one direction, and then throws you a curve ball that takes you somewhere unexpected.
Here's a good example: Don't argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Paraprosdokians are used a lot in comedy and satire. Here's a classic from Groucho Marx: "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Here's another from Bill Hicks: "I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night."
And now, here are some more examples of the paraprosdokian phenomenon (try saying that out loud) at work...
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
- Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
- I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but have to check when you say the paint is wet?
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it than when you are in it.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- And, finally, here's a great one from Jack Handey: "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
"How can you live without knowing these things?
• Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U. S. Treasury
• Coca-Cola was originally green.
• 111,111,111x111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
• If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
• Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. They were all invented by women."
Quotes..
