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Heavenly Humor…
The Difference between Jesus and Santa:
Santa lives at the North Pole; Jesus is everywhere. Santa rides in a sleigh; Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water. Santa comes but once a year; Jesus is an ever present help.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited; Jesus stands at your door and knocks. Santa makes you stand in line to see him; Jesus is as close as the mention of His name. Santa lets you sit on his lap; Jesus lets you rest in His arms.
Santa asks, “Little boy, little girl, what is your name?”
Jesus knew our names before we did. Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly; Jesus has a heart full of love.
Santa offers “Ho, ho, ho”; Jesus offers health, help, and hope. Santa says “You better not cry”; Jesus says, “Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.”
Santa’s little helpers make toys; Jesus makes new lives, mends hearts, repairs broken homes. Santa may make you chuckle; Jesus gives you joy. Santa puts gifts under your tree; Jesus became our gift and died on the tree.
There’s really no comparison. Jesus is the reason for the season.
As a special Youth Week project, the facilitator asked their group to list ways the Bible may have been different if it had been written by fellow students. These are a few they came up with: Loaves and fishes would have been replaced by pizza and chips. Ten Commandments are actually five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten only because it wasn’t dining hall food. Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s E-mail to the Romans. Reason Cain killed Abel—they were roommates. Place where the end of the world occurs—not the Plains of Armageddon, but Finals. Reason why Moses and followers wandered in the desert for forty years—they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen. Tower of Babel blamed for foreign language requirement. Instead of creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, God would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
FOR SUPER BOWL SUNDAY -- “Quarterback Sneak”--Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. “Draw Play”--What many children do with their bulletins during worship. “Halftime”--The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave. “Benchwarmer”--Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything. “Backfield-in-Motion”--Making a trip up the aisle to the back (rest room or water fountain) during the service. “Staying in the Pocket”--What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work. “Two-minute Warning”--The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your belongings. “Instant Replay”--The preacher misplaces his notes and falls back on last Sunday’s illustrations. “Sudden Death”--What happens to the congregation’s attention span if the preacher goes overtime. “Trap”--You are called on to pray, and your mind is a million miles away. “End Run”--Getting out of church fast by skirting around behind the pastor at the door. “Flex Defense”--The ability to allow absolutely nothing during the sermon to affect your life. “Halfback Option”--The decision of fifty percent of the congregation not to return for the evening service. “Blitz”--The rush for restaurants following the benediction.
A man had his first appointment with the psychiatrist, and when asked why he was there, the man said, “Doctor, I’m tired of being on the outside looking in.” “Well,” responded the doctor, “sounds like we have to try to improve your self-image. Let’s get a few basic facts first. What do you do for a living?” The patient replied, “I’m a window washer.”
The Difference between Jesus and Santa:
Santa lives at the North Pole; Jesus is everywhere. Santa rides in a sleigh; Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water. Santa comes but once a year; Jesus is an ever present help.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited; Jesus stands at your door and knocks. Santa makes you stand in line to see him; Jesus is as close as the mention of His name. Santa lets you sit on his lap; Jesus lets you rest in His arms.
Santa asks, “Little boy, little girl, what is your name?”
Jesus knew our names before we did. Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly; Jesus has a heart full of love.
Santa offers “Ho, ho, ho”; Jesus offers health, help, and hope. Santa says “You better not cry”; Jesus says, “Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.”
Santa’s little helpers make toys; Jesus makes new lives, mends hearts, repairs broken homes. Santa may make you chuckle; Jesus gives you joy. Santa puts gifts under your tree; Jesus became our gift and died on the tree.
There’s really no comparison. Jesus is the reason for the season.
As a special Youth Week project, the facilitator asked their group to list ways the Bible may have been different if it had been written by fellow students. These are a few they came up with: Loaves and fishes would have been replaced by pizza and chips. Ten Commandments are actually five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten only because it wasn’t dining hall food. Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s E-mail to the Romans. Reason Cain killed Abel—they were roommates. Place where the end of the world occurs—not the Plains of Armageddon, but Finals. Reason why Moses and followers wandered in the desert for forty years—they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen. Tower of Babel blamed for foreign language requirement. Instead of creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, God would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
FOR SUPER BOWL SUNDAY -- “Quarterback Sneak”--Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. “Draw Play”--What many children do with their bulletins during worship. “Halftime”--The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave. “Benchwarmer”--Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything. “Backfield-in-Motion”--Making a trip up the aisle to the back (rest room or water fountain) during the service. “Staying in the Pocket”--What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work. “Two-minute Warning”--The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your belongings. “Instant Replay”--The preacher misplaces his notes and falls back on last Sunday’s illustrations. “Sudden Death”--What happens to the congregation’s attention span if the preacher goes overtime. “Trap”--You are called on to pray, and your mind is a million miles away. “End Run”--Getting out of church fast by skirting around behind the pastor at the door. “Flex Defense”--The ability to allow absolutely nothing during the sermon to affect your life. “Halfback Option”--The decision of fifty percent of the congregation not to return for the evening service. “Blitz”--The rush for restaurants following the benediction.
A man had his first appointment with the psychiatrist, and when asked why he was there, the man said, “Doctor, I’m tired of being on the outside looking in.” “Well,” responded the doctor, “sounds like we have to try to improve your self-image. Let’s get a few basic facts first. What do you do for a living?” The patient replied, “I’m a window washer.”
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