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'Heavenly Humor
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, “Where do you want to go?” “Heaven!” they all piped up. “And what do you have to do to get there?” asked the pastor. “Be dead!” shouted one little boy.
At Sunday school, the teacher was teaching on the Good Samaritan. She said, “What would you do if you saw a man bleeding beside the road?” A student jumped up and said, “I’d faint!”
What an answer A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut,” was the reply. “But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service?” “Because,” the gentleman replied, “I didn’t need one then.”
"A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with the question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air, “I know! I know! He’s an artist!” said one little boy. “Really? How do you know that?” asked the puzzled teacher.
“Oh, you know— ‘Our Father, who does art in Heaven’”
The custodian of a church quit, and the pastor of the church asked the organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary. The organist thought before replying, “Do you mean that I now have to mind my keys and pews?”
A writer went to see the editor of a magazine and said, “Here is the short story I offered you last year.” “What is the idea of bringing it back when I have rejected it last year itself?” asked the editor. “Well,”, said the writer, “you have had a year’s experience since then!”
A man came to a friend’s house, and his friend’s dog rushed and began to bark ferociously. The man was very much frightened but his friend said, “He will not bite. You know the old proverb; a barking dog never bites.” “Yes”, the man said, “I know the proverb and you know the proverb, but are you sure the dog knows the proverb!?”
Arthur: “I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I had to toss whether to attend class or to go to bed.” Lionel: “Is that so?” Arthur: “Yes. And I had to toss ten times before I could go to bed!”
A Judge asked a woman her age. “Thirty” she replied. “You have given that age in this court for the last three years.” “Yes sir, I am not one of those who says one thing today and another thing tomorrow!”
The Managing Director of a company wanted the Chief Accountant of his company to put the funeral expenses of his father under the company account. When the Chief Accountant asked under what head this amount could go, the director replied, “Put it under Packing and forwarding account!”
Superintendent: “It is our custom to let a prisoner work at the same trade here as he did outside. Now what is your trade: shoemaker, blacksmith?” Prisoner: “No sir, I was a traveling salesman!”
Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill!
Public Speaking: The art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary!
Diplomat: A person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip! College: Rest house for the restless!
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, “Where do you want to go?” “Heaven!” they all piped up. “And what do you have to do to get there?” asked the pastor. “Be dead!” shouted one little boy.
At Sunday school, the teacher was teaching on the Good Samaritan. She said, “What would you do if you saw a man bleeding beside the road?” A student jumped up and said, “I’d faint!”
What an answer A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut,” was the reply. “But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service?” “Because,” the gentleman replied, “I didn’t need one then.”
"A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with the question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air, “I know! I know! He’s an artist!” said one little boy. “Really? How do you know that?” asked the puzzled teacher.
“Oh, you know— ‘Our Father, who does art in Heaven’”
The custodian of a church quit, and the pastor of the church asked the organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary. The organist thought before replying, “Do you mean that I now have to mind my keys and pews?”
A writer went to see the editor of a magazine and said, “Here is the short story I offered you last year.” “What is the idea of bringing it back when I have rejected it last year itself?” asked the editor. “Well,”, said the writer, “you have had a year’s experience since then!”
A man came to a friend’s house, and his friend’s dog rushed and began to bark ferociously. The man was very much frightened but his friend said, “He will not bite. You know the old proverb; a barking dog never bites.” “Yes”, the man said, “I know the proverb and you know the proverb, but are you sure the dog knows the proverb!?”
Arthur: “I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I had to toss whether to attend class or to go to bed.” Lionel: “Is that so?” Arthur: “Yes. And I had to toss ten times before I could go to bed!”
A Judge asked a woman her age. “Thirty” she replied. “You have given that age in this court for the last three years.” “Yes sir, I am not one of those who says one thing today and another thing tomorrow!”
The Managing Director of a company wanted the Chief Accountant of his company to put the funeral expenses of his father under the company account. When the Chief Accountant asked under what head this amount could go, the director replied, “Put it under Packing and forwarding account!”
Superintendent: “It is our custom to let a prisoner work at the same trade here as he did outside. Now what is your trade: shoemaker, blacksmith?” Prisoner: “No sir, I was a traveling salesman!”
Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill!
Public Speaking: The art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary!
Diplomat: A person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip! College: Rest house for the restless!
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