Heavenly Humor
 
⏹ A crafty old mountain lion used to hang around a ranch looking for stray cattle. One day he saw a bull off by himself and managed to kill it after a mighty battle. The bull was too heavy to drag off, so the mountain lion decided to just eat as much as he could hold. He ate and ate until he just couldn’t eat any more. This made him feel really good, so he let out a big roar. That made him feel even better, so he roared again. He kept it up until the rancher came and shot him. Moral: When you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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⏹ Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog said to the other, “Wait here a minute, I’ll be right back.” He walked across the street and sniffed a fire hydrant for about a minute, then walked back. The other dog said, “What was that about?” The first dog said, “I was just checking my messages.”
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⏹ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?” The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad.”
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⏹ A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”
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⏹ Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church nearest to her new apartment. She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon was long and boring. Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off. After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand, and said, “I’m Gladys Dunn.” He replied, “You and me both!”
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⏹ The minister began his pastoral prayer: “Dear Lord,” he said with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust . . .” He would have continued, but at that moment one obedient little girl (who was listening carefully to the minister) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, what is butt dust?”
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⏹ A Second - grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting. How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” * * * 

⏹ A child came home from his first day at school. His mother asked, “Well, what did you learn today?” The kid replied, “Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.”
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⏹ A man stopped for gas on his way home from work. As he finished pumping the gas, he spilled some of it on his arm. He immediately grabbed a paper towel and wiped it off. Then he got back in his car and continued down the highway. Unfortunately, he was addicted to smoking and decided to light up, but he got the lighter too close to his arm and lit it on fire. Since he was by then in the middle of heavy traffic and there was no place to pull off, he rolled down his window and held his arm outside, hoping the rushing air would blow out the fire. It didn’t work, but a policeman saw his predicament, got him stopped, pulled out a fire extinguisher, and put out the fire. Then he wrote him a ticket—for brandishing a fire arm.
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⏹ Things to do at Thanksgiving.....
When everyone at the table takes turns saying what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more.

⏹ A Thought for Christmas.....
Do you know what would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, brought practical gifts and there would be peace on Earth.
 
 
 
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