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Heavenly Humor
A porter, loaded down with suitcases, followed the couple, also loaded with luggage, to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, “Honey, why didn’t you bring the piano, too?” “Are you trying to be funny?” she said. “No,” he sighed forlornly, “I think I left the tickets on it.”
A cardiologist developed a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take.
He began to make more money lecturing on his new procedure than actually using the procedure. So, he decided to lecture full time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
After about six months of lecturing, his driver turned to him and said, “You know, this is not completely fair.”
“What do you mean?” “Well, you get paid $50,000 every time you do this lecture, and that’s more than I get paid in a year,” complained the driver. The surgeon explained that the procedure was very complicated, and he and only he could explain it. “That’s not true. I’ve heard your lecture so often; I know I could deliver it just as well.” “OK. Let’s see. You deliver this lecture.” So, the driver and the surgeon traded places. The driver gave a wonderful presentation and answered many questions. Finally, a member of the audience stood and asked a very complex question. The driver responded, “You know, I have done this lecture 187 times, and I have never been asked such an easy question. As a matter of fact, that question is SO basic that I am going to let my driver answer it.”
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with unruly students that entire year.
An executive was interviewing a nervous young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone living or dead, who would it be?” The girl quickly responded, “The living one.”
Things to do at Thanksgiving When everyone at the table takes turns saying what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more.
One worker to another: “How long have you been working here?” Answer: “Since they threatened to fire me.”
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